I have realized something in these last two weeks. I always knew but it has become glaringly obvious to me. How much of a team Sean and I are. How much we bring to each other for feedback, for opinions. Sean is in a great deal of pain and he is here physically but not here mentally. I am struggling with this to say the least. So many times I have caught myself saying, "Seany, can you..." only to have the words hang in mid-air. That's because he was always right by my side. I would wash the boys, he would dry. I would cook dinner, he would clean up. I would read to one boy, he the other. Now I wash and dry alone, I cook dinner and clean up alone, I read to both boys nestled close to me. Don't get me wrong. I am not complaining. These are my jobs. It just used to be fun with my best friend by my side.
Today I was struggling with something and I tried to talk with Sean about it and he said to me so wearily, "Wife, you need to pray about this and figure this out." He gave me no feedback, no opinion. I know what he's doing. He's preparing me. There will come a day when he will not be here and I will have to figure things out on my own. I'm just not ready.