Today I asked my dearest girlfriend in all the world to take care of my children if something happens to me. What a question to ask. What a responsibility to give someone. To pass along those who I hold the dearest to me, those who I would KILL for. But, I must be honest and ask those around me for help.
Yesterday Sean and I were having one our our "dark conversations" and Hunter was on the potty and yelled to me, "Mama, I need help!" Such a mundane task as my world is being rocked to its core. But, I must put one foot in front of the other. I must meet with John's teacher tomorrow and check on his progress, I must make John's lunch and prepare Hunter's for when I visit with Sean's doctor. I must find a way through this mess to fold laundry, to wash dishes and read books.
I look at my husband and my heart is grateful. Thankful for all the years that he has loved me. What a gift they have been and I must somehow in some way walk with him through this crisis.
I find that I hate his doctors, the kind nurses who look at you so pleasantly as they are ushering you into another office to hear more horrifying news. They get to go home to their safe little houses. I know, I know, they are going through hard times too. Sean says to me, "Don't hate them. They are kind." How can he be good when all this is happening? That is because that is who he is.
So many people have come along beside me and supported us. So many people have offered food, hugs, babysitting services, a shoulder to cry on. You truly do find out what mettle people are made of. People who I haven't seen or spoken to in years are offering their phone numbers and e-mail addresses. Such a lifeline to a drowning woman.