Saying Goodbye

Recently I read the Randy Pausch book, The Last Lecture. It moved me and one part particularly stuck out to me. There was a part in the book when his wife said to him, "Please don't die". (It was a book about a man who knew he only had three - six months to live because of cancer). That part stayed with me and I thought and thought about it. Four years ago Sean and I each lost a parent within 26 days of each other. Needless to say, it was the hardest time of our lives and the deaths were starkly different. My father died of a massive heart attack and was dead within seconds. No chance for goodbyes, no time to tell him things I hadn't before, no opportunity to give or ask for forgiveness. No tearful last goodbyes. He was truly here one minute and gone the next. I will never forget Sean walking into work one day and giving me the dreadful news. All I know is that the last words we exchanged were "I love you" and isn't that truly the best words you could ever speak to someone the last time you spoke with them. But I would have thanked him for I always knew that I was loved and I would have thanked him for being a wonderful provider. On the other hand, Sean's mother died of lung cancer. She was in the hospital one week and in that week, she and Sean had soulful talks and cleared up a lot of past offenses and hurts. We were truly able to give her a proper goodbye.

I grew up in that difficult time and I have never been the same since. I have learned much from that situation. I hug my children tighter, I love deeper and appreciate the people in my life more, I prepare better for the future financially. I let things go more, I always remember to say "I love you", "I appreciate you" because I never really know if it will be the last time I will have that opportunity.

It's a hard thing that we walked through as a family but as with anything in life it taught us so much. So I really don't know if I would want to know if I was going to die or if my Sean was going to die, but I do know that I am given this moment and it truly is up to me how to spend it. So, I will be more careful with my words and use them wisely.