Why do I let fear rule my life? It is ridiculous how many times I hear myself tell Sean or a friend how afraid I am of something! And then if someone shows concern for me or they have doubt in me it makes me angry. Well, why wouldn't someone doubt me if all they have heard from my mouth is fear.
Take my life recently. I live in a beach town. I live in a town where I only have to drive three miles to an absolutely beautiful beach and I had never been there until today. I was so afraid of taking the kids there that I stayed away. I was afraid of them drowning, I was afraid that they would die in that water and they would do it on my watch, that they would be so rambunctious and lively that I would not be able to control them without Sean's help. I worried about them getting too much sun and then worried it was going to rain. My goodness. They were amazing. John plunked himself down and dug in the dirt and Hunter ran along the shoreline and chased after birds.
I don't want my children to grow up into fearful wimpy men but rather men who take life by the reins and if I am an example to them, then I need to show them. I am taking a trip in October and I have to get on a plane. The thought doesn't scare me, doesn't terrify or even petrify me, I feel almost PARALYZED with fear. But, no more. I actually love my friend more than getting on that plane terrifies me. Thank God.
And this afternoon I am going to attempt to make spaghetti sauce. You see, I didn't make that either because I was afraid that it wouldn't come out right. You know what? What if it doesn't? I don't think Sean will leave me or stop loving me, I don't think the kids will strike, and I'm pretty sure the sky won't come falling down...And now that I have conquered the beach, I think I'll go heat up the stove.......