Yesterday in the course of a really busy day and feeling stressed as I was driving through the depths of Boston, John said to me in this really quiet voice, "Mama, I would do anything for Hunter."
Tonight my husband looked, quite honestly, terrible. He looks like a shell of his former self. He looks thing.
I said to him, "You are my one true love." He whispered to me, "You are my one true love."
Those are the things that are keeping me going. If I didn't have that absolute assurance that the four of us love each other I think I would completely go out of my mind. I feel like I walk around my house and everything is crumbling. My life is blown to bits and will NEVER be the same again. And I find that when Sean is home and there isn't much to do for him or much I can do for him, that is when I feel the worst. That's when that reality sets in for me. When he's in the hospital I am busy arranging childcare, preparing for my next visit, and worrying about him. But, then he comes home and I'm not so busy anymore. Tonight is one of those times. I feel like I can't really take a deep breath. Like I can't sit still.