Monday, September 19, 2011

Quiet Weekend?

This weekend was a first for me.  One I even hate to admit.  I actually stayed home all day on Saturday.  Wait, did you miss the big announcement?  I'll repeat it.  I actually stayed home all day on Saturday.  I didn't go to Target, I didn't go to the grocery store....I just stayed home.  I talked about it with the kids at dinner and they were happy.  Now, these are kids who ask me during breakfast, "Where are we going today Mama?"  So, I thought I would hear some disappointment, but there was none.  I told them that I just needed a day and that was that.  So on Saturday they jumped on the trampoline, we played war, I sewed a little bit, we played the Wii together, we ate every meal at home (I know, I know...), and the best part of it was that there were no fits, no big explosions.  Could there be something to this?

Then on Sunday, I promised them we would go crabbing after church!  What excitement this news brought.  So we headed off to the beach and it was high tide and there was nary a crab to be seen!!!  But, because I have the two coolest kids ever (can anyone say biased?) their responses were, "That's okay Mama".  We took a walk along the beach, found many treasures and headed off to the school playground.  I'm so glad they seem to handle disappointments better than I do, but I'm also glad that the older I get the more grace I have for myself.  There would have been a time when I would have berated myself that our crabbing plans fell through.

Then to top it all off, I was walking across the playground and John said to me, "Mama, you look like you've losed weight."  Now, normally I would have corrected his grammar, but who would have wanted to spoil such a beautiful moment?

I have started walking, okay - it's only been 4 days but I have officially lost 1.1 pound.  Gosh, if he can notice when I lose such a little amount, what will I look like to him when I lose 5 or 10 pounds?  haha.....

Friday, September 9, 2011

As I look back at my life I've struggled with the word no.  I always thought that nice people didn't use that word.  That it meant you were difficult, selfish.  I'm learning something quite the opposite.

Moms In Touch is this year and it's got great women in the town.  I mean really great women.  Women I love to dig into God's Word with,  women I laugh with, who I pray for and whom pray for me and my children.  But bringing Hunter is difficult.  He gets bored and our life is already super busy with preschool, Wednesday morning Bible Study and Wednesday night Awana.  So, this year I think I'm going to pass.  Every time I think about going, I get stressed.  Jesus said "His yoke is easy and his burden is light."  Yet, my yoke and my burden don't feel light.  So, I'll go next year.  To make a decision, even though it appears so insignificant, is huge for me. 

Then there's the issue of a greater no.  The people who are in our lives that sometimes truly cause us nothing but pain and sorrow.  What do you do with that?  Do you allow them to keep hurting you?  Do you keep quiet so you're not perceived as the "difficult one"?  I've been wrestling with that as of late.  My instincts is to be a good girl, to keep quiet and to accept people and their flaws, to "understand" why they do what they do.  But, something in me is changing.  It's just not willing to stand by and let people have their way.  I am growing fiercely protective over myself and my children.    I'm beginning to see that it's okay to keep people out of your life if they don't even try to bring joy, support, love.  If all they expel is toxicity, then why would I expose myself and those closest to me to that?  And I'm starting to believe that I am worth something, that Someone paved the way for me just like He did for everyone else.That I have a voice and I can use it.

That it's okay to say no.