Wednesday, May 18, 2011


Since Sean passed away I have only dreamed about him once. Last night I had another. It's starting to get fuzzy but I dreamt that we were having a really fun time somewhere and I knew that he was sick. Looking at the joy on his face I thought he couldn't possibly know he was dying. So I finally summoned up the courage to tell him and he already knew. It just blew me away. When I asked him how he was managing to have fun in the midst of it he told me he didn't want to waste any time. He told me he just wanted to enjoy what little time he had.

I don't really know what this dream means. Am I supposed to be learning something from this? Or is this just a commentary about the way he soldiered through his illness? I don't know.


Lyryn said...

I just sat here reading you story. Needless to say I am in tears. My heart breaks and I want to come through this computer and hug the socks off of you. I now that is not what you want to hear. I know that the last thing you want people to be saying to you is "Oh, I'm so sorry for you." I get that. But I am praying for you. I guess... that's what I wanted to say . :)

Jennifer said...

I came here to meet my flip-flop swap partner, and now I find myself wishing I could give you something worlds better than flip-flops. My heart goes out to you, and you have my prayers. I'll still be sending you some darn good flip-flops, though!

Kelly said...

Could Sean be giving you permission to enjoy the life you have here on earth - even without him? Could he be saying it's okay to enjoy life in the midst of sorrow?

I certainly don't have any answers. I know since losing my Dad 6 years ago that he has visited me in dreams three times. Each time was so vivid. Each time he had already gone to Heaven. He was checking on me and encouraging me - giving me approval of the choices and decisions I've made since he's passed. Those dreams have been a comfort to me.

I hope that you somehow feel comforted by the dream you had and that you will find some direction from it. Grieving is necessary. It shouldn't be rushed through. But it's also okay to find moments of joy in the midst of it.