Easter this year sucked. I wish I could pretty it up and put in a few "amens" but that is the honest to God truth. From tip to toe, it sucked. Sean wasn't here, the bathroom sink gave me a problem and I had to interrupt someone's Easter to come and help me, I raced and rushed about and wished I just stayed home. It was another "first" without him. Usually we have a good fight on Easter morning. And I missed it.
Like I said, the bathroom sink gave me a problem. And I am really trying in this whole process of widowhood to try not to bother people. To put on a good face and make it work by myself. But, sometimes I can't. I could not figure out what was wrong with that sink and what killed me the most was that it was simple to fix for now. I just sat on the bathroom floor and sobbed because I had to ask someone else's husband to come and help me and I just wanted my husband, dammit. I wanted that moment when I would come to him with what seemed like such a huge problem and he would say, "I can fix that wife" and then I would see his muscles strain his shirt and see his beautiful masculine hands at work and it would remind me how in love I am with my husband. I felt lost. Everyone I tried to reach was at church.
But, we got through. Thank God for the new Honda with the DVD system with the headphones so I could cry everywhere I went. I'm thankful for those who tried to include me in Easter because, "you know, you just lost Sean". I know people mean it to be a comfort but sometimes it isn't.
I'm just grateful it's over.